To Be Determined’s roster includes several mothers, including SashA Williams who wrote this poem as part of our latest TBD Journal entry:

This article is a bit unconventional.

I’ve read too many children’s books lately.

I was struggling to write this before,

But thinking in poetry has helped me greatly.

First, I’d like to start off with some background info

Because its importance, I believe

You all should understand

The context in which you read

When I found out we had conceived,

I have to admit I felt very relieved.

It was only a month later that I came to realize

That being pregnant was not how others had described.

For me it was a challenge

Every symptom you could have, I had.

Nausea, insomnia, nosebleeds, cravings

Sometimes, just feeling very sad.

I threw up so much,

Initially I lost weight.

No one should barf over 200 times.

It’s crazy this is not something I exaggerate.

Needless to say,

My bike I could not ride.

Every time I got off the couch,

I’d retch my insides.

Fast forward to the birth.

A c-section I had.

A mom then I became

And my husband, a dad.

And now for the part

You all came here to see.

What exercise after birth is like.

Detailing my physical fitness journey.

About 15 hours after giving birth,

My catheter they removed.

With some assistance I stood up,

And then was on the move.

Up and down the hallway I walked.

The nurses were all surprised.

They said to keep it up,

As long as it doesn’t hurt your insides.

Three days I stayed

In the hospital overnight.

I couldn’t wait to get home

To start my healing process off right.

The first week I took it easy.

I did everything I was told.

On day nine I stopped taking pain meds,

And was ready to get on the road.

Walking up and down the block,

My son and husband in tow.

Eventually I could push the stroller,

Making sure to take it slow.

About another week of small walks

Was what made me feel comfortable.

Until I did three miles up a hill,

Looking down from the summit, I felt unstoppable.

Something weird then

That happened to me.

A lack of appetite

I did not foresee.

My body stopped feeling hunger.

Normal cues I did not receive.

No rumbling tummy or satiation.

I did my best not to misperceive.

See, pregnancy is a funny thing.

It literally reprograms your brain.

Research shows a change in grey matter.

It is proven to no longer be the same.

For the next few weeks,

I went on walks that were longer.

Pushing the stroller by myself,

I knew I was getting stronger.

At that point, walking became

Something that was just a bit too tame.

By week five I was itching to do something harder.

I missed my bike. I was ready to get on ‘er.

I figured my body had changed,

Though how I did not fully know.

My ribs had expanded, hips broadened.

Apparently, that wasn’t all though…

My shoe size was a bit larger,

Widening occurred in my sit bones.

New shoes, saddle, and bibs I needed now.

The loss of my expensive gear I did bemoan.

Set up my trainer I did.

I admit a little early.

Until this point I had been good…

But a light ride wouldn’t kill me, surely.

See, cleared for exercise yet, I was not.

The light at the end of the tunnel was all I got.

What was appropriate, my thoughts:

A thirty-minute ride at about 50 watts.

From there I increased power,

And tried to keep it under an hour.

This was something I sorely missed.

In my chest, my heart did leap.

Though riding outside was something I wished,

The benefits of a soft pedal I did reap.

After gaining clearance, I upped the rigger.

I was starting to see some results… go figure.

During pregnancy, nearly 50 lbs I gained.

By two months postpartum, only 10 had remained.

A few more weeks on the trainer still

Before I was ready for the thrill

Of a longer ride outside and up some hills.

My excitement had me feeling zero chills.

Wanting to stick to my hour limit,

I turned around at Montammy Golf Club

So as not to overdo it early on.

Grateful to once again do what I love.

My next time out I went to Alpine.

A bit over an hour it took.

Feeling overall totally fine,

I took a selfie near the overlook.

Riding harder became easier

Over the next month and some change.

Realizing you get no breaks with childcare,

I couldn’t find the time to increase my range.

An intense 30 minutes on the trainer

Has been the balance I have struck.

Unfortunately, my kid takes short naps

And sometimes I’m shit out of luck.

After 4 months, I can report

That I am still stuck with 10 lbs to go.

Consistency is something I lack.

Hard not to feel a little bit of woe.

I can slip into some of my pre-pregnancy clothes.

My journey really is just beginning.

Harder to find time still it will get

When I go back to work for breadwinning.

Though one day my kid will be old enough to come with me.

I can’t wait for him to experience my cycling passion

In a chariot, baby seat rack, or bike of his own.

And eventually in a kit of TBD high fashion!

Asking other cycling moms what their experiences have been made me feel not so alone in what I found to be a struggle. I’d also like to take this opportunity to share their stories as well. -Sasha

TBD Rider Steph Kaplan:

“When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was determined to hold onto a piece of myself—the part that felt most like me. At 33 weeks pregnant, I was still commuting 20+ miles to work on my Specialized Turbo e-bike, and earlier in pregnancy I even squeezed in a Mt. Hamilton ride with a very patient friend. I made modifications as my body changed—first raising my bars, then switching to a flat-bar bike to keep riding comfortably. It wasn’t always graceful, and my speed and endurance dropped, but being on the bike gave me a sense of identity when so much else felt like it was shifting.

Riding through pregnancy wasn’t about pushing limits recklessly; it was about refusing to accept “you can’t” when my body was still telling me “you can, just differently.” What kept me motivated was the feeling of freedom and strength on the bike—something that no one else could define for me.

Coming back after giving birth—about 6–8 weeks postpartum after a C-section—was harder than I expected. It was disorienting to not feel like myself and to not know exactly where cycling fit into this new version of my life. My fitness was nowhere near where I’d left it, and I had to give myself a lot of grace. I rode shorter, slower, and more solo. I focused less on performance and more on how it made me feel.

Balancing childcare and self-care was a constant dance, and sometimes it meant accepting that a 30-minute ride was just as valid as a big training day - easier said than done, I struggled with this.

The biggest thing for me was learning to stop measuring myself against anyone else — including the version of me from before. What you want from movement and exercise may shift, and that’s not a sign of losing something; it’s just life evolving. Be willing to reevaluate your own goals without guilt—whether that means easing up, redefining what “fitness” looks like, or pushing yourself harder than before. The key is staying flexible and honest with yourself about what you want, not what you think you should want.”